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- ISSUE 1: The Car Ride Home
ISSUE 1: The Car Ride Home
Coach Shea played both college baseball and basketball. He has coached high school athletes for over 40 years, including 30 years as the Bishop Connolly Boys Varsity Coach. Coach Shea has also coached and mentored thousands of players through various camps and clinics.
The Car Ride Home is probably the most mismanaged aspect of the athletic experience. When kids dread the car ride home the next step is not getting in the car at all…..QUITTING.
When I was a young LL player I couldn’t wait to get in the car and talk to my dad about the game. I NEVER dreaded a car ride home because my father was a genius sports parent. He used the car ride home as a classroom not a torture chamber. He was the master communicator. Here’s 5 tactics he used to create an open line of communication.
1. ALWAYS HAD THE SAME TONE- Whether my team won or lost never mattered. Whether I played well or poorly didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered to him was if I had FUN!! He had the same demeanor regardless of what took place. He was never overly excited and was NEVER upset…EVER! I never worried about how my dad would react to a game. When kids know the car ride home will be rough if they don’t play well it creates anxiety which negatively affects performance and enjoyment. A player should not be worried about parental reaction to a bad game. We don’t want kids connecting how well they play to their parent’s happiness.
2. DIDN’T SPEAK FIRST- After every single game, win or lose, he would ask the same question, “Did you have FUN?” After losses I would often say “NO!” and he would laugh. “ Get’em next time!” But after that we would not talk about the game unless I started the conversation. There were times we didn’t talk about the game at all on the ride home. But most of the time something happened during the game that I would ask him about and the discussion would ensue. He didn’t over analyze every little play and talk endlessly about everything that was wrong about the game. As a HS basketball player I was not as open to postgame discussions as I was as a LL baseball player so after losses it was more often than not a silent ride home with me brooding. My father said NOTHING!! He didn’t try to make me feel better. He didn’t try to blame anyone. He just drove me home and let me be miserable. GENIUS!!
3. NEVER WAS DIRECTLY CRITICAL- He would never directly tell me what I should have done or could have done better. If we were discussing a game he would ask questions..” What do you think you SHOULD have done?” “ What were you thinking in that situation?” “ What were your options?” That allowed me to THINK for myself. He never TOLD me the answer. He would ask me questions that took me to the answer. He never lectured.
4. HE WOULD TALK ABOUT OTHER PLAYERS- My dad didn’t just talk about my play. He would often point out good heads up plays by other kids that I could learn from. He wouldn’t just analyze MY play . If a player made a mental mistake my dad would ask me what I thought he should have done.
ALWAYS A POSITIVE ENVIROMENT- The Car Ride Home was ALWAYS a good experience. Never judgmental, intense, or difficult. Keep The Car Ride Home positive and your child will look forward to their games and to getting in the car after the game.
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